The Smash N'Go Nads in only their 2ND season in the MMBBL wrapped up their regular season of play 2ND last in the league. A long shot at best and underdogs for their entire playoff run, the Cinderella Season came to end with a defeat at the hands of arguably the greatest team in the history of the MMBBL.
"Losin' is never prioritay" commented Team Captain Achilles Punks, "They were the better team, and tha boys can only take a couple lessons outta this and come back even harder next year."
As for how the wheels fell off the cart in the Blood Bowl Head Coach Muradin Frothbeard said at a press conference, quote;
'We gave it a damn good shot, I think we gave them Bursters the best damn dosage of Dwarves we had.'
More sour than the taste of defeat was the injury sustained by Wide Tackle Euin Whatarmy. The Rookie out of Anvil Grove broke his collar bone in the Blood Bowl and Coach Muradin has said he has been sent from the Smash and Go'Nads to their minor League farm team "Red Anvil's" until he has recovered.
All is not lost for the coming season as the experience gained by the players of the Go'Nads is already worth it's weight in gold. The Front Offensive and Defensive lines of the team have added even more skill and will be tough for even the strongest of opponents.
For TBBN, Amad Macegrinder reporting.
Friday, September 19, 2008
The Blood Bowl
The Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters met the Smash and Go'nads this Tuesday, in the culmination of the Summer season and the entire MMBBL year - The Blood Bowl. The struggle was mighty, the competition fierce. The two most deserving squads in the MMBBL met to decide its reigning champion. Undead clashed with dwarf, and in the end, the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters maintained their legacy as the league's premier team.
Winning the coin toss, the Dirt Bursters opted to receive first. Fans from both sides roared with challenge, the sun gazed down approvingly, and the game was underway. The loudness of the undead fans overtook the rowdiness of the dwarves as the kick landed, and the explosive Chompsalot recovered the ball as the undead line tore into the dwarven defenders. Regrouping, the dwarves refused to give so much as an inch without the greatest of efforts. Answering the challenge, the Dirt Bursters offensive line left no avenues for the Go'nads to penetrate and harass Chompsalot. It seemed there might be a full stop to the undead run as Stumps O'Boggy was knocked out by Holden McGroin...but then through the narrowest of gaps burst Chompsalot, with wights and zombies sealing the breach behind him. Chompsalot was off like a shot, and by the end of the first quarter it was 1-0 Dirt Bursters.
Looking to retaliate with a score of their own, the Smash and Go'nads lined up and set for the attack. Unfortunately for them, they couldn't pick up the surprise blitz from the undead in time, and paying the price early on was troll slayer Euin Whatarmy. Suffering near-fatal chest decompression at the gangrenous hands of Chunk Norton, Whatarmy managed to escape death with the less-serious (but still crippling) disfigurement of his ribcage. Meanwhile, Chompsalot made a surge through the dwarf offensive line, attempting to leap over the nearest Go'nad to chase down the ball. He picked the wrong dwarf to vault over, though. No one is entirely sure what Gil T. Azell uses to maintain his massive mohawk's shape, but it was enough to knock the wind out of Chompsalot as he slammed gut-first into the impressive hairdo. Still, the ghouls kept charging forward, and Ned Gummers laid a blitz into Dick Gozinia after the dwarf runner picked up the ball. unphased by the attack, Gozinia deftly shoveled a pass to fellow runner Adam Meway, who began to tear up the middle into protective cover. Again, a ghoul came by to cause havoc, and this time Bahnaynay laid a hit into Meway, only to see the wily dwarf return the favour from Dick Gozinia, tossing the ball back to safety.
Time was running short for the dwarves, but likewise for some of the undead as well. Hats off to Tinny, the plucky thrall-turned-zombie, for going toe-to-toe with Cludge Slamboni's custom deathroller and coming out of the ordeal no more or less dead than he started. Still, Slamboni's crowd-clearing presence opened a gap, and Dick Gozinia had a brief chance to unload a pass and perhaps tie the game. The toss was perfect, but out of the melee rose Bahnaynay, who hauled the throw in with one hand, denying the dwarves with his timely interception. Bahnaynay maintained possession until the whistle sounded, and the score at halftime remained one to nothing, the Dirt Bursters clinging to their precarious lead.
The second half kickoff showed more incredible defensive play from the Dirt Bursters, as they were able to reorganize themselves to counter the Go'nads' attack plan from the get-go. Dick Gozinia retrieved the football, but Ned Gummers was already on top of him once again. Alertness being Gozinia's stock in trade, he expertly dumped off a pass the Adam Meway who maneuvered upfield. These two dwarves certainly knew how to maintain possession. Finally, Chompsalot found a stop to the dwarf passing when he blitzed Adam Meway, whose lateral to Gozinia was off-target. Meway fought his way back to it, though, and recovered the ball again for the dwarves.
Now looking to hurl the ball upfield, Meway was foiled yet again, and the moans of the dwarven fans said it best. From the sidelines came Bubtunk Bagrot, the new ghoul in town, who pulled down the pass and with it, the Smash and Go'nads' hopes. Just as all seemed lost, however, Bagrot took a spill trying to get away from coverage, and the ball was fumbled loose! Yet again, Adam Meway pounced on the loose ball and the dwarf forces regrouped. Another hit came on Meway, but his pass to Dick Gozinia was true this time. The dwarves stubbornly pushed up the field, inch by inch. The undead needed a big stop to put this game away.
The stops began to materialize and the Dirt Bursters rallied as a surge spearheaded by Lez White took shape. White crashed headlong into Adam Meway, nearly taking the dwarf's head clean off with the force of the blow. After several moments of great concern, Meway finally awoke, spitting up blood and and his breakfast beer. Though unable to continue playing, all were relieved that he would live to play another day.
Seeking an exit from the crush of bodies, Dick Gozinia blitzed his way out of a tight spot, only to catch his foot on a rock and crash into the turf, losing his hold on the ball. Lez White moved in to gather up the prize, but couldn't get a good handle on it. Still too many dwarves were on the field to reliably escape from coverage, but the Dirt Bursters' twin towers of terror would change that in short order. First, Khermit picked up Achilles Punks by the beard and hurled him into a sideline post where the line dwarf slumped, unmoving except for the occasional groan. Then Magut echoed his teammate's sentiments, bringing his knee up on blitzer Moe Lester and leaving the dwarf in a puddle of his own blood and sweat.
Still, the dwarves fought on, giving no easy path to the football, and Ned Gummers was unable to pick it up. A loud horn sounded, and a burst of steam signaled the arrival of Cludge Slamboni's deathroller, who neatly plowed No Guts Bob into a heap, again dislodging the ball from where it lay. It disappeared into the sea of bodies, and then emerged again, held aloft by none other than Chunk Norton. Norton attempted a pass downfield, but fumbled when he arm unhinged on the pump fake. His job was done, though, as time continued to wind down. In a final burst of maliciousness, Khermit drove Drew Peacock three feet into the softened pitch with a great overhand smash, nearly collapsing the dwarf's entire spinal column. Fortunately a splint was applied as they hauled him off the field, and Peacock would live to play another day.
With that, time expired, and the last whistle blew. As close a battle as any yet witnessed in the MMBBL's brief history was over, and the Dirt Bursters had carried the day, with a final score of 1-0. Favoured from the beginning, the undead delivered to their fans. Underdogs from the start, the stalwart Smash and Go'nads have nothing to be ashamed of. Both teams left it all out on the field, mingled with a great deal of teeth, blood, and scraps of uniform.
In addition to the great prestige of playing in the Blood Bowl Championship, an honour shared by all who participated, Game MVP awards were presented to Eric Shun of the Dirt Bursters, presumably for recognition of his play for BOTH squads this season, and to Drew Peacock of the Smash and Go'nads, who showed remarkable motivation and speed for someone carrying around fourty pounds of beard.
Winning the coin toss, the Dirt Bursters opted to receive first. Fans from both sides roared with challenge, the sun gazed down approvingly, and the game was underway. The loudness of the undead fans overtook the rowdiness of the dwarves as the kick landed, and the explosive Chompsalot recovered the ball as the undead line tore into the dwarven defenders. Regrouping, the dwarves refused to give so much as an inch without the greatest of efforts. Answering the challenge, the Dirt Bursters offensive line left no avenues for the Go'nads to penetrate and harass Chompsalot. It seemed there might be a full stop to the undead run as Stumps O'Boggy was knocked out by Holden McGroin...but then through the narrowest of gaps burst Chompsalot, with wights and zombies sealing the breach behind him. Chompsalot was off like a shot, and by the end of the first quarter it was 1-0 Dirt Bursters.
Looking to retaliate with a score of their own, the Smash and Go'nads lined up and set for the attack. Unfortunately for them, they couldn't pick up the surprise blitz from the undead in time, and paying the price early on was troll slayer Euin Whatarmy. Suffering near-fatal chest decompression at the gangrenous hands of Chunk Norton, Whatarmy managed to escape death with the less-serious (but still crippling) disfigurement of his ribcage. Meanwhile, Chompsalot made a surge through the dwarf offensive line, attempting to leap over the nearest Go'nad to chase down the ball. He picked the wrong dwarf to vault over, though. No one is entirely sure what Gil T. Azell uses to maintain his massive mohawk's shape, but it was enough to knock the wind out of Chompsalot as he slammed gut-first into the impressive hairdo. Still, the ghouls kept charging forward, and Ned Gummers laid a blitz into Dick Gozinia after the dwarf runner picked up the ball. unphased by the attack, Gozinia deftly shoveled a pass to fellow runner Adam Meway, who began to tear up the middle into protective cover. Again, a ghoul came by to cause havoc, and this time Bahnaynay laid a hit into Meway, only to see the wily dwarf return the favour from Dick Gozinia, tossing the ball back to safety.
Time was running short for the dwarves, but likewise for some of the undead as well. Hats off to Tinny, the plucky thrall-turned-zombie, for going toe-to-toe with Cludge Slamboni's custom deathroller and coming out of the ordeal no more or less dead than he started. Still, Slamboni's crowd-clearing presence opened a gap, and Dick Gozinia had a brief chance to unload a pass and perhaps tie the game. The toss was perfect, but out of the melee rose Bahnaynay, who hauled the throw in with one hand, denying the dwarves with his timely interception. Bahnaynay maintained possession until the whistle sounded, and the score at halftime remained one to nothing, the Dirt Bursters clinging to their precarious lead.
The second half kickoff showed more incredible defensive play from the Dirt Bursters, as they were able to reorganize themselves to counter the Go'nads' attack plan from the get-go. Dick Gozinia retrieved the football, but Ned Gummers was already on top of him once again. Alertness being Gozinia's stock in trade, he expertly dumped off a pass the Adam Meway who maneuvered upfield. These two dwarves certainly knew how to maintain possession. Finally, Chompsalot found a stop to the dwarf passing when he blitzed Adam Meway, whose lateral to Gozinia was off-target. Meway fought his way back to it, though, and recovered the ball again for the dwarves.
Now looking to hurl the ball upfield, Meway was foiled yet again, and the moans of the dwarven fans said it best. From the sidelines came Bubtunk Bagrot, the new ghoul in town, who pulled down the pass and with it, the Smash and Go'nads' hopes. Just as all seemed lost, however, Bagrot took a spill trying to get away from coverage, and the ball was fumbled loose! Yet again, Adam Meway pounced on the loose ball and the dwarf forces regrouped. Another hit came on Meway, but his pass to Dick Gozinia was true this time. The dwarves stubbornly pushed up the field, inch by inch. The undead needed a big stop to put this game away.
The stops began to materialize and the Dirt Bursters rallied as a surge spearheaded by Lez White took shape. White crashed headlong into Adam Meway, nearly taking the dwarf's head clean off with the force of the blow. After several moments of great concern, Meway finally awoke, spitting up blood and and his breakfast beer. Though unable to continue playing, all were relieved that he would live to play another day.
Seeking an exit from the crush of bodies, Dick Gozinia blitzed his way out of a tight spot, only to catch his foot on a rock and crash into the turf, losing his hold on the ball. Lez White moved in to gather up the prize, but couldn't get a good handle on it. Still too many dwarves were on the field to reliably escape from coverage, but the Dirt Bursters' twin towers of terror would change that in short order. First, Khermit picked up Achilles Punks by the beard and hurled him into a sideline post where the line dwarf slumped, unmoving except for the occasional groan. Then Magut echoed his teammate's sentiments, bringing his knee up on blitzer Moe Lester and leaving the dwarf in a puddle of his own blood and sweat.
Still, the dwarves fought on, giving no easy path to the football, and Ned Gummers was unable to pick it up. A loud horn sounded, and a burst of steam signaled the arrival of Cludge Slamboni's deathroller, who neatly plowed No Guts Bob into a heap, again dislodging the ball from where it lay. It disappeared into the sea of bodies, and then emerged again, held aloft by none other than Chunk Norton. Norton attempted a pass downfield, but fumbled when he arm unhinged on the pump fake. His job was done, though, as time continued to wind down. In a final burst of maliciousness, Khermit drove Drew Peacock three feet into the softened pitch with a great overhand smash, nearly collapsing the dwarf's entire spinal column. Fortunately a splint was applied as they hauled him off the field, and Peacock would live to play another day.
With that, time expired, and the last whistle blew. As close a battle as any yet witnessed in the MMBBL's brief history was over, and the Dirt Bursters had carried the day, with a final score of 1-0. Favoured from the beginning, the undead delivered to their fans. Underdogs from the start, the stalwart Smash and Go'nads have nothing to be ashamed of. Both teams left it all out on the field, mingled with a great deal of teeth, blood, and scraps of uniform.
In addition to the great prestige of playing in the Blood Bowl Championship, an honour shared by all who participated, Game MVP awards were presented to Eric Shun of the Dirt Bursters, presumably for recognition of his play for BOTH squads this season, and to Drew Peacock of the Smash and Go'nads, who showed remarkable motivation and speed for someone carrying around fourty pounds of beard.
Go'nads Go Further After Riotous Match
Group 1 semifinal action coming at you, but don't read it all in one bite, this one's hot! The Smash and Go'nads, coming off their victory against the Bloodsand Blasters, would do battle against the Blackwater Bilgerunners, who racked up an impressive score against the Brutakai Ragefangs on their way here. Only one of these two teams would get a card for the big dance, so let's see who had the best moves!
Lovely weather and the aromatic medley of beer, hair and garbage hung in the air. Fans were treated to the sight of a pair of new hirings for this match as well as the usual list of participants. The Bilgerunners had signed linerat Twistknee to fill a gap, and the Go'nads fans were brought to their feet (not that anyone noticed the difference) as Cludge Slamboni, pilot of their new deathroller, drove his engine of destruction onto the sidelines. The skaven fans were less than appreciative, regarding this new addition, and the Bilgerunners themselves quickly took up the protest as well. Regardless, the referees demanded that everyone settle down and get the match underway. The coin toss went in the Bilgerunners' favour, and the dwarves set their defense and prepared to kick. The skaven had other ideas, however, and demanded that before the game begin, that the deathroller be removed from the premises. Slamboni and the dwarves would have nothing of it, and the pitch soon erupted in a series of brawls that took quite a while to sort out.
Eventually the dust did clear, and the game was able to proceed. Right off the snap, the skaven burst past the slower dwarves and into the secondary, showing multiple eligible receivers across the field. Fivel Mausketrap, one of the league's leading throwers, gained possession and hurled the ball to gutter runner Dingleberry for an easy catch. Dingleberry handed off to teammate Twinkletoes, who bobbed and weaved through coverage to get into the clear. Such safety does come at a price, however, as the position play of linerat Limpy left him open to an assault from Herb Eaverstinks of the smash and Go'nads. Eaverstinks pummeled the skaven soundly, leaving him out of commission for the remainder of the day. Still, the protection held, and the skaven running game quickly put the Bilgerunners on the board. A touchdown for Twinkletoes, and a one to nothing lead for the skaven squad.
The dwarves had seen just about enough of the speedy side of the game, and looked forward to turning things more to their style of play, the kind where players pay for every yard with their teeth. As the Bilgerunners kicked off and Adam Meway grabbed hold of the ball, a wave of hurt came over the skaven, courtesy of the hard-working fellows on the line of scrimmage. Herb Eaverstinks laid out linerat Krunch while Craven Moorehead throttled Fivel Mausketrap, leaving both skaven players unconscious. Moe Lester followed it up by stepping on Piddlepaw with excessive enthusiasm, removing the gutter runner from contention, and Achilles Punks did likewise to Twinkletoes, leaving the Blackwater defense with several gaping holes.
Reaching midfield, Meway handed off to Moe Lester, who picked up where the runner left off. The punishment kept coming for the skaven, as Gil T. Azell, foaming at the mouth as if he'd just consumed a bottle of shaving cream, leveled newcomer Twistknee with a hit that left the latter's legs bent up in ways reminiscent of the complicated plumbing arrangements he calls home. Holden McGroin further cleared the path, hauling down storm vermin Jenner and making sure he wouldn't get up again under his own power. With nothing of any substance in his way, Moe Lester was home free for the tying point.
Little time remained for more action in the first half, but once again hostilities erupted between the two squads. The officials, not wanting to risk the ire of the coaches for shortening their play time, deftly scrolled the play clock back to actually add more time to the contest. No one seemed to notice, and play did finally resume. In retaliation for the injuries sustained by his comrades, Squeesplat the linerat put Achilles Punks' lights out for a little while. Dingleberry retrieved the ball in place of his injured teammate Fivel, and passed out to Krunch for a reception. Unfortunately, he was run down unceremoniously after not getting too far, the ball was scooped up by Adam Meway, and the dwarf passed to his fellow runner Dick Gozinia. Just as the dwarf running game started to progress, however, the whistle blew and the teams retreated to their locker rooms.
The Smash and Go'nads set about duplicating their first half success in the second frame of play, but it seems as though the fans had had enough; the skaven of the Go'nads, the dwarves of just about everything. Neither race is particularly known for needing a good reason to trample someone, of course. The fans spilled out onto the field, made their respective attempts at spontaneous brutality, and when the dust settled, storm vermin Brutus and line dwarves Holden McGroin and Phil DeGrave were tossed on the naptime cart and wheeled to the sidelines to sleep off their lumps. Meanwhile, the reason for the crowd's dispersal became evident - Cludge Slamboni was on the field, piloting the deathroller and taking a spot at center. Wasting no time as the dwarves received the kick, Slamboni leveled the Bilgerunners' rat ogre, O'Rattigan, and went on his way to cause more havoc. As Adam Meway moved down the sideline to midfield, Slamboni's ride came to an abrupt end when he was called for fouling linerat Squeesplat with a cinder block he'd "accidentally" dropped off the back of the deathroller on his way by. Still, the lack of the metal monstrosity didn't dissuade the rest of the dwarves, and Craven Moorehead filled the role of muscle admirably as he put Brutus the storm vermin out for the foreseeable future. The skaven line continued to dwindle and the dwarves continued to surge, and Adam Meway rolled into the end zone with no strenuous effort. The dwarves had the lead, but could they maintain it?
It seemed they had every intention to do just that, as on the ensuing kickoff, the Go'nads read the Bilgerunners offense perfectly. Linerat Krunch was sent back to get the ball, but through either nerves or lack of concentration, couldn't get a good grip. Up on the line, a hole was punched, quite literally, as Herb Eaverstinks knocked out Squeesplat, diminishing the skaven support crew even further. The skaven ran the ball forward eventually, but Dick Gozinia was right there to clobber the carrier and retrieve the rock. Fivel Mausketrap, desperate to make a play, threw a hit on Gozinia, but the wily runner had already dumped off to Moe Lester as he saw the hit coming. Lester handed off to Stu Padasso, who saw Adam Meway int he clear for a possibly reception, but the pass was off-target and fell to the ground lifelessly. As the final whistle blew, the skaven fans echoed the lifelessness of the ball, while the Smash and Go'nads fans and players alike celebrated their victory in true dwarven fashion. It's expected that the stadium will be serviceable again sometime within the next two or three decades.
With the final score of 2 to 1 for the Go'nads, the dwarves advance to the finals match against either the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters or the Blueriver Wardoves. MVP awards for the match go to Fivel Mausketrap of the Bilgerunners and to Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads.
Lovely weather and the aromatic medley of beer, hair and garbage hung in the air. Fans were treated to the sight of a pair of new hirings for this match as well as the usual list of participants. The Bilgerunners had signed linerat Twistknee to fill a gap, and the Go'nads fans were brought to their feet (not that anyone noticed the difference) as Cludge Slamboni, pilot of their new deathroller, drove his engine of destruction onto the sidelines. The skaven fans were less than appreciative, regarding this new addition, and the Bilgerunners themselves quickly took up the protest as well. Regardless, the referees demanded that everyone settle down and get the match underway. The coin toss went in the Bilgerunners' favour, and the dwarves set their defense and prepared to kick. The skaven had other ideas, however, and demanded that before the game begin, that the deathroller be removed from the premises. Slamboni and the dwarves would have nothing of it, and the pitch soon erupted in a series of brawls that took quite a while to sort out.
Eventually the dust did clear, and the game was able to proceed. Right off the snap, the skaven burst past the slower dwarves and into the secondary, showing multiple eligible receivers across the field. Fivel Mausketrap, one of the league's leading throwers, gained possession and hurled the ball to gutter runner Dingleberry for an easy catch. Dingleberry handed off to teammate Twinkletoes, who bobbed and weaved through coverage to get into the clear. Such safety does come at a price, however, as the position play of linerat Limpy left him open to an assault from Herb Eaverstinks of the smash and Go'nads. Eaverstinks pummeled the skaven soundly, leaving him out of commission for the remainder of the day. Still, the protection held, and the skaven running game quickly put the Bilgerunners on the board. A touchdown for Twinkletoes, and a one to nothing lead for the skaven squad.
The dwarves had seen just about enough of the speedy side of the game, and looked forward to turning things more to their style of play, the kind where players pay for every yard with their teeth. As the Bilgerunners kicked off and Adam Meway grabbed hold of the ball, a wave of hurt came over the skaven, courtesy of the hard-working fellows on the line of scrimmage. Herb Eaverstinks laid out linerat Krunch while Craven Moorehead throttled Fivel Mausketrap, leaving both skaven players unconscious. Moe Lester followed it up by stepping on Piddlepaw with excessive enthusiasm, removing the gutter runner from contention, and Achilles Punks did likewise to Twinkletoes, leaving the Blackwater defense with several gaping holes.
Reaching midfield, Meway handed off to Moe Lester, who picked up where the runner left off. The punishment kept coming for the skaven, as Gil T. Azell, foaming at the mouth as if he'd just consumed a bottle of shaving cream, leveled newcomer Twistknee with a hit that left the latter's legs bent up in ways reminiscent of the complicated plumbing arrangements he calls home. Holden McGroin further cleared the path, hauling down storm vermin Jenner and making sure he wouldn't get up again under his own power. With nothing of any substance in his way, Moe Lester was home free for the tying point.
Little time remained for more action in the first half, but once again hostilities erupted between the two squads. The officials, not wanting to risk the ire of the coaches for shortening their play time, deftly scrolled the play clock back to actually add more time to the contest. No one seemed to notice, and play did finally resume. In retaliation for the injuries sustained by his comrades, Squeesplat the linerat put Achilles Punks' lights out for a little while. Dingleberry retrieved the ball in place of his injured teammate Fivel, and passed out to Krunch for a reception. Unfortunately, he was run down unceremoniously after not getting too far, the ball was scooped up by Adam Meway, and the dwarf passed to his fellow runner Dick Gozinia. Just as the dwarf running game started to progress, however, the whistle blew and the teams retreated to their locker rooms.
The Smash and Go'nads set about duplicating their first half success in the second frame of play, but it seems as though the fans had had enough; the skaven of the Go'nads, the dwarves of just about everything. Neither race is particularly known for needing a good reason to trample someone, of course. The fans spilled out onto the field, made their respective attempts at spontaneous brutality, and when the dust settled, storm vermin Brutus and line dwarves Holden McGroin and Phil DeGrave were tossed on the naptime cart and wheeled to the sidelines to sleep off their lumps. Meanwhile, the reason for the crowd's dispersal became evident - Cludge Slamboni was on the field, piloting the deathroller and taking a spot at center. Wasting no time as the dwarves received the kick, Slamboni leveled the Bilgerunners' rat ogre, O'Rattigan, and went on his way to cause more havoc. As Adam Meway moved down the sideline to midfield, Slamboni's ride came to an abrupt end when he was called for fouling linerat Squeesplat with a cinder block he'd "accidentally" dropped off the back of the deathroller on his way by. Still, the lack of the metal monstrosity didn't dissuade the rest of the dwarves, and Craven Moorehead filled the role of muscle admirably as he put Brutus the storm vermin out for the foreseeable future. The skaven line continued to dwindle and the dwarves continued to surge, and Adam Meway rolled into the end zone with no strenuous effort. The dwarves had the lead, but could they maintain it?
It seemed they had every intention to do just that, as on the ensuing kickoff, the Go'nads read the Bilgerunners offense perfectly. Linerat Krunch was sent back to get the ball, but through either nerves or lack of concentration, couldn't get a good grip. Up on the line, a hole was punched, quite literally, as Herb Eaverstinks knocked out Squeesplat, diminishing the skaven support crew even further. The skaven ran the ball forward eventually, but Dick Gozinia was right there to clobber the carrier and retrieve the rock. Fivel Mausketrap, desperate to make a play, threw a hit on Gozinia, but the wily runner had already dumped off to Moe Lester as he saw the hit coming. Lester handed off to Stu Padasso, who saw Adam Meway int he clear for a possibly reception, but the pass was off-target and fell to the ground lifelessly. As the final whistle blew, the skaven fans echoed the lifelessness of the ball, while the Smash and Go'nads fans and players alike celebrated their victory in true dwarven fashion. It's expected that the stadium will be serviceable again sometime within the next two or three decades.
With the final score of 2 to 1 for the Go'nads, the dwarves advance to the finals match against either the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters or the Blueriver Wardoves. MVP awards for the match go to Fivel Mausketrap of the Bilgerunners and to Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads.
Go'nads Smash Their Way Into Semifinals
Hello again, sportsfiends! Time for another playoff action update from the MMBBL. Today we've got the quarterfinal matchup between the Bloodsand Blasters, unlikely champions of the Bloodbath division, and the equally underdog Smash and Go'nads from the bottom of Deathdealer's barrel. Who's going to climb to the next level, the bones or the beards?
With excellent weather for the event, the Blasters elected to kick first and ask questions later. Though the majority of the fans on hand were wearing the beige and burgundy of the Go'nads, the Blasters' fans managed quite a racket for the kickoff to spur their team to victory. Unfortunately, it didn't pay off as almost as soon as the ball hit the turf, a handful of dwarves gang-piled West Nile Cyrus, knocking out the towering mummy and leaving a considerable divot in the field where he was felled. All over the pitch, more dwarves were taking the cue, dragging the bandaged brutes down to their level.
Meanwhile, runner Dick Gozinia was on the ball, quickly gaining midfield as fast as his legs could carry him. At last, the undead team's mummies got organized, and Battering Ramses laid a hit on Euin Whatarmy that was sure to keep the troll slayer out of contention for a while. The success was short-lived though, as line skeleton Dirty Suez's block on Adam Meway failed miserably, the dwarf instead grabbing the skeleton through the eye sockets and tearing his head from his spine. Bloodsand Blasters fans clamored for a facemask penalty, but none was assessed due to Suez' lack of a mask, or of a face, for that matter. Not even the skillful igor hired on by the Blasters could repair the damage, and Suez crumbled into dust as play went on.
The dwarves showed their superior skill in the face of the imposing Khemri might, and the mummies became too scattered to hope to preserve the defensive line. Desperate for a stop, a pair of skeletons managed to haul down Gozinia, but the alert runner deftly tossed the ball laterally to teammate Adam Meway, who pressed forward to the end zone. He too was stopped as Mister Urns hurled himself at the ball, knocking the carrier down and saving a touchdown - for a moment. Out of the press of bodies came Dick Gozinia once more, thanking Adam Meway in passing for the diversion, picking up the football, and carrying it home for the touchdown.
Not a great deal of time remained in the first half, but the teams lined up anyway, just to see what might happen, and several things did. Dusty Tombs unceremoniously dumped Dick Gozinia into the crowd, for starters, though his adoring fans carried him safely back to the dugout. Even more startling was the completion of a pass by Khemri thrower Hork Ptah - that's three to date, folks. Impressive for a player with no actual muscles. Finally, before the whistle blew, the aforementioned Tombs was caught fouling a downed dwarf lineman, evidently letting his frustration get the better of him. At the half, the dwarves led the undead one to nothing, and neither squad seemed comfortable with the margin.
Returning to the pitch, both teams were ready to set in for a real battle. The Go'nads, defending their one point lead, knew they would need the perfect balance of strong guarding against the press of mummies and mobile secondary coverage to contain any skeleton that might squeeze through. The Blasters, for their part, would need to simply overwhelm the dwarves at every turn and cripple enough of them to make a break for the end zone and the tying score.
The dwarves kicked off, and Hork Ptah looked to retrieve the ball, but found his bony digits unequal to the task. Every lost second played into the dwarven defense's hands, and troll slayer Gil T. Azell exemplified that fact by dumping newcomer skeleton Blitz-Ra Sheik Yirbouti into the stands. Finally, Ptah managed to get a hold of the ball, and handed off quickly to Mister Urns, who made his way clunkyly upfield. Dick Gozinia made the move to stop him, but ran out of gas while going for that extra yard, giving Urns the opening he needed. Nearing the end zone, Urns was close to glory, so close that he could have tasted it if he still had a tongue. Urns was hauled down abruptly as Gozinia recovered from his spill, and blitzer Moe Lester recovered the football for the Go'nads. With time winding down and the line dwarves holding midfield, Lester coolly lofted the ball to Dick Gozinia, and the latter held onto it until the final whistle blew. The final score, one to nothing for the Smash and Go'nads: An upset, yes, but with greater upsets still looming on the horizon.
The match MVP awards go to Drew Peacock of the Go'nads, for his exceptional play on defensive guard duty, and to Gus Sarcopha of the Blasters. Now the Smash and Go'nads look ahead to face the high-flying Blackwater Bilgerunners in the group 1 semifinal match.
With excellent weather for the event, the Blasters elected to kick first and ask questions later. Though the majority of the fans on hand were wearing the beige and burgundy of the Go'nads, the Blasters' fans managed quite a racket for the kickoff to spur their team to victory. Unfortunately, it didn't pay off as almost as soon as the ball hit the turf, a handful of dwarves gang-piled West Nile Cyrus, knocking out the towering mummy and leaving a considerable divot in the field where he was felled. All over the pitch, more dwarves were taking the cue, dragging the bandaged brutes down to their level.
Meanwhile, runner Dick Gozinia was on the ball, quickly gaining midfield as fast as his legs could carry him. At last, the undead team's mummies got organized, and Battering Ramses laid a hit on Euin Whatarmy that was sure to keep the troll slayer out of contention for a while. The success was short-lived though, as line skeleton Dirty Suez's block on Adam Meway failed miserably, the dwarf instead grabbing the skeleton through the eye sockets and tearing his head from his spine. Bloodsand Blasters fans clamored for a facemask penalty, but none was assessed due to Suez' lack of a mask, or of a face, for that matter. Not even the skillful igor hired on by the Blasters could repair the damage, and Suez crumbled into dust as play went on.
The dwarves showed their superior skill in the face of the imposing Khemri might, and the mummies became too scattered to hope to preserve the defensive line. Desperate for a stop, a pair of skeletons managed to haul down Gozinia, but the alert runner deftly tossed the ball laterally to teammate Adam Meway, who pressed forward to the end zone. He too was stopped as Mister Urns hurled himself at the ball, knocking the carrier down and saving a touchdown - for a moment. Out of the press of bodies came Dick Gozinia once more, thanking Adam Meway in passing for the diversion, picking up the football, and carrying it home for the touchdown.
Not a great deal of time remained in the first half, but the teams lined up anyway, just to see what might happen, and several things did. Dusty Tombs unceremoniously dumped Dick Gozinia into the crowd, for starters, though his adoring fans carried him safely back to the dugout. Even more startling was the completion of a pass by Khemri thrower Hork Ptah - that's three to date, folks. Impressive for a player with no actual muscles. Finally, before the whistle blew, the aforementioned Tombs was caught fouling a downed dwarf lineman, evidently letting his frustration get the better of him. At the half, the dwarves led the undead one to nothing, and neither squad seemed comfortable with the margin.
Returning to the pitch, both teams were ready to set in for a real battle. The Go'nads, defending their one point lead, knew they would need the perfect balance of strong guarding against the press of mummies and mobile secondary coverage to contain any skeleton that might squeeze through. The Blasters, for their part, would need to simply overwhelm the dwarves at every turn and cripple enough of them to make a break for the end zone and the tying score.
The dwarves kicked off, and Hork Ptah looked to retrieve the ball, but found his bony digits unequal to the task. Every lost second played into the dwarven defense's hands, and troll slayer Gil T. Azell exemplified that fact by dumping newcomer skeleton Blitz-Ra Sheik Yirbouti into the stands. Finally, Ptah managed to get a hold of the ball, and handed off quickly to Mister Urns, who made his way clunkyly upfield. Dick Gozinia made the move to stop him, but ran out of gas while going for that extra yard, giving Urns the opening he needed. Nearing the end zone, Urns was close to glory, so close that he could have tasted it if he still had a tongue. Urns was hauled down abruptly as Gozinia recovered from his spill, and blitzer Moe Lester recovered the football for the Go'nads. With time winding down and the line dwarves holding midfield, Lester coolly lofted the ball to Dick Gozinia, and the latter held onto it until the final whistle blew. The final score, one to nothing for the Smash and Go'nads: An upset, yes, but with greater upsets still looming on the horizon.
The match MVP awards go to Drew Peacock of the Go'nads, for his exceptional play on defensive guard duty, and to Gus Sarcopha of the Blasters. Now the Smash and Go'nads look ahead to face the high-flying Blackwater Bilgerunners in the group 1 semifinal match.
Go'Nads Go Big
Here we are, a mere two weeks from playoffs, and still much of the future is up in the air! The Smash and Go'nads did battle with the Blackwater Bilgerunners. Even weeks before the playoffs begin, these forces can feel the do-or-die pressure building already. The only question? Who would do, and who wold die?
The Blackwater Bilgerunners, still recovering from their physical struggle with a handful of mummies, were down a few players and needed to call up a couple of rats from the practice squad to round out the team. From the very first kickoff, though, the skaven spirits were lifted as even though there were more dwarven fans on hand, the Bilgerunner supporters were loud beyond compare. The noise may have been more of a distraction than a help though, as the first pass from gutter runner Dingleberry to teammate Twinkletoes was bobbled and dropped. Twinkletoes quickly recovered from the blunder and sent the ball back to Dingleberry, who made good on the reception. With dwarf coverage coming down fast on him, Dingleberry got his foot tied up in a beard as he attempted to skitter free of danger and fell flat on his face.
Immediately on the ball to was Smash and Go'nads runner Adam Meway, who couldn't make much headway as both teams took several miscues during the broken play. Eventually the Skaven got their act together and put sufficient pressure on Meway for linerat Krunch to throw a block, and it turned out to be much more than just a block. Meway dumped the ball off on his way down, and Krunch, with a presence of mind not usually associated with the jittery Skaven race, smoothly reached out and reeled the ball in himself! Unfortunately, the rest of the dwarven line had finally caught up to the play by now, and Krunch was emphatically crunched by troll slayer Gil T. Azell. Blitzer Stu Padasso pounced on the loose ball and took a short stroll down to the end zone for the first point of the match. The boisterous crowd, once roaring for the Bilgerunners, was now erupting with song as the Go'nads faithful bellowed a drunken rendition of their team's anthem.
On the following drive, the Go'nads kicked off and stacked their defense to halt any last-minute shenanigans. Though there was time for Dingleberry to complete a pass to Twinkletoes, there wasn't time for much more. The half ended with the dwarves leading one to nothing, but with a whole new half to go it was still anyone's game.
Returning from the locker rooms and ready for action, the two squads took to the pitch once more. The Skaven kickoff left much to be desired, and though he missed the catch, runner Adam Meway was quickly on the ball and off down the field. As the defenders closed in on him, Meway lobbed the ball to his partner in crime Dick Gozinia, but the latter couldn't reel it in. Luck was with the dwarves however, as a failed pickup attempt by Gimpy the linerat saw the ball bounce right back into Adam Meway's hands. The dwarf march resumed with Meway being guarded on either side by Achilles Punks and Stu Padasso, making the crafty runner virtually untouchable. As the slow march continued, skaven tempers flared as the dwarf offense held its steady pace, until finally a quick pass from Adam Meway to a wide-open Dick Gozinia resulted in a touchdown. The dwarf crowd absolutely exploded, due to a combination of joy, beer and possibly dynamite. Up two to nothing, the Go'nads needed only weather the Bilgerunners' speedy offense for a few more minutes.
It didn't help the Bilgerunners' cause that they were still so angry from the last drive. Trash talking began brewing between the two squads as they set up for the next drive, and whatever was said must have hit home, be it comments about someone's mother's beard or someone else's peculiar looking tumor, because the players began to beat on each other before the whistle even blew! The debacle was sorted out quickly, due to the relative smallness of the Skaven and the entirely objective drunkenness of the dwarves, but time had still ticked off the clock and there was little hope for a full comeback by the Bilgerunners.
Regardless, the rats lined up for their drive. In contrast to the previous drive's sloppy kickoff, the Go'nads executed a gorgeous kick, and the ball came to rest in the furthest corner of the field. Still not dissuaded, the Skaven took their drive seriously. Piddlepaw retrieved the football and hurled it forward to Twinkletoes, who dodged a possibly disastrous hit before sprinting in for a touchdown. A small victory, however, as time ran out just seconds later. The final score was 2-1 for an elated Smash and Go'nads squad, finally experiencing the thrill of victory.
Match MVPs were Twinkletoes of the Bilgerunners for his notable blocking despite his diminutive stature, and Phil DeGrave of the Smash and Go'nads for his stellar defensive guarding.Also noteworthy were Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway, two halves of the same dwarven offensive whole and displaying impressive calm and focus when faced with even the tightest coverage. After the match, the Bilgerunners held a brief press conference to introduce their latest addition. The mighty rat ogre O'Rattigan was added to bring much-needed muscle to a speedy but underpowered Skaven squad.
The Blackwater Bilgerunners, still recovering from their physical struggle with a handful of mummies, were down a few players and needed to call up a couple of rats from the practice squad to round out the team. From the very first kickoff, though, the skaven spirits were lifted as even though there were more dwarven fans on hand, the Bilgerunner supporters were loud beyond compare. The noise may have been more of a distraction than a help though, as the first pass from gutter runner Dingleberry to teammate Twinkletoes was bobbled and dropped. Twinkletoes quickly recovered from the blunder and sent the ball back to Dingleberry, who made good on the reception. With dwarf coverage coming down fast on him, Dingleberry got his foot tied up in a beard as he attempted to skitter free of danger and fell flat on his face.
Immediately on the ball to was Smash and Go'nads runner Adam Meway, who couldn't make much headway as both teams took several miscues during the broken play. Eventually the Skaven got their act together and put sufficient pressure on Meway for linerat Krunch to throw a block, and it turned out to be much more than just a block. Meway dumped the ball off on his way down, and Krunch, with a presence of mind not usually associated with the jittery Skaven race, smoothly reached out and reeled the ball in himself! Unfortunately, the rest of the dwarven line had finally caught up to the play by now, and Krunch was emphatically crunched by troll slayer Gil T. Azell. Blitzer Stu Padasso pounced on the loose ball and took a short stroll down to the end zone for the first point of the match. The boisterous crowd, once roaring for the Bilgerunners, was now erupting with song as the Go'nads faithful bellowed a drunken rendition of their team's anthem.
On the following drive, the Go'nads kicked off and stacked their defense to halt any last-minute shenanigans. Though there was time for Dingleberry to complete a pass to Twinkletoes, there wasn't time for much more. The half ended with the dwarves leading one to nothing, but with a whole new half to go it was still anyone's game.
Returning from the locker rooms and ready for action, the two squads took to the pitch once more. The Skaven kickoff left much to be desired, and though he missed the catch, runner Adam Meway was quickly on the ball and off down the field. As the defenders closed in on him, Meway lobbed the ball to his partner in crime Dick Gozinia, but the latter couldn't reel it in. Luck was with the dwarves however, as a failed pickup attempt by Gimpy the linerat saw the ball bounce right back into Adam Meway's hands. The dwarf march resumed with Meway being guarded on either side by Achilles Punks and Stu Padasso, making the crafty runner virtually untouchable. As the slow march continued, skaven tempers flared as the dwarf offense held its steady pace, until finally a quick pass from Adam Meway to a wide-open Dick Gozinia resulted in a touchdown. The dwarf crowd absolutely exploded, due to a combination of joy, beer and possibly dynamite. Up two to nothing, the Go'nads needed only weather the Bilgerunners' speedy offense for a few more minutes.
It didn't help the Bilgerunners' cause that they were still so angry from the last drive. Trash talking began brewing between the two squads as they set up for the next drive, and whatever was said must have hit home, be it comments about someone's mother's beard or someone else's peculiar looking tumor, because the players began to beat on each other before the whistle even blew! The debacle was sorted out quickly, due to the relative smallness of the Skaven and the entirely objective drunkenness of the dwarves, but time had still ticked off the clock and there was little hope for a full comeback by the Bilgerunners.
Regardless, the rats lined up for their drive. In contrast to the previous drive's sloppy kickoff, the Go'nads executed a gorgeous kick, and the ball came to rest in the furthest corner of the field. Still not dissuaded, the Skaven took their drive seriously. Piddlepaw retrieved the football and hurled it forward to Twinkletoes, who dodged a possibly disastrous hit before sprinting in for a touchdown. A small victory, however, as time ran out just seconds later. The final score was 2-1 for an elated Smash and Go'nads squad, finally experiencing the thrill of victory.
Match MVPs were Twinkletoes of the Bilgerunners for his notable blocking despite his diminutive stature, and Phil DeGrave of the Smash and Go'nads for his stellar defensive guarding.Also noteworthy were Dick Gozinia and Adam Meway, two halves of the same dwarven offensive whole and displaying impressive calm and focus when faced with even the tightest coverage. After the match, the Bilgerunners held a brief press conference to introduce their latest addition. The mighty rat ogre O'Rattigan was added to bring much-needed muscle to a speedy but underpowered Skaven squad.
Dwarf Explosion
The ever-dangerous Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters defend their incredible unbeaten streak against the down but determined forces of the Smash and Go'nads.
Despite a slow start, the Go'nads have been a great physical force in the MMBBL this season, led by the brutal, smash-mouth play of lineman Eric Shun, whose hard, unyielding style of play garnered an impressive three casualties in his first game of the season. What can be said about the Dirt Bursters, those marching, moaning, magnificent monsters of the gridiron, which has not already been said? They may not have been born ready, but they certainly died ready.
In an attempt to gain an edge over the undead, the Go'nads hired on Barik Farblast, inventor of the Farblast 5000 Passing Machine, and had also bribed enough officials to ensure that the wily dwarf would be able to play the entire match without ejection. The Dirt Bursters also signed skeleton Clackers Rattlehead to an entry-level contract.
With the sun shining and the crowd roaring, the Dirt Bursters were set to receive first. With calculated, almost mechanical resolve, the undead showed their quality amid the screaming of the fans, with superb blocks by the offensive line establishing a running corridor for ghoul Ned Gummers. Gummers charged out of midfield and was home free from dwarf coverage, until a bolt of lightning from the upper deck flashed towards him, intent on stopping the runner cold. With an athleticism and poise unheard of in the ranks of the deceased, Gummers dodged pure lightning and strode in for the touchdown, free of harm. Needless to say, the dwarves and their fans were stunned.
As the Smash and Go'nads prepared for their first offensive drive, a Dirt Bursters fan, responding in kind for the attack on his team's runner, hurled a nearby skeleton fan's head at the Go'nads' main distributor of pain, Eric Shun, knocking the dwarf face-down on the pitch. The ball was kicked off anyway, and Barik Farblast made his move to retrieve it. After Farblast's pass to runner Dick Gozinia was good, the latter found himself quickly set upon by Dirt Bursters' star player, Ol' Teabagger. Unable to avoid The Man's coverage, Gozinia went down and the ghoul recovered the rock. Storming towards the end zone, Ol' Teabagger demonstrated that not every moment in a great player's career is memorable, as he caught his foot on the stray skull tossed in earlier and crashed in a heap at the goal line.
The dwarves were hard-pressed to retrieve the lost ball, and sure enough, more ghouls came out of the woodwork to try for the score. Ned Gummers made his approach first and threw the ball laterally to teammate Chompsalot, who then streaked towards the end zone. He never made it there, however, as a blatant, unmistakable foul ended the Dirt Bursters' drive immediately thereafter. Zombie Stumps O'Boggy, apparently sick of hearing about the exploits of Eric Shun, descended upon the dwarf lineman with a powerful punch which shattered the dwarf's teeth. The zombie's fist did not stop there, however, but kept going down the dwarf's throat. Then, in one swift motion, O'Boggy wrenched his arm free, bringing with it assorted organs of varying degrees of importance.
Disheartened, winded, and all-around gutless, the once-celebrated Eric Shun collapsed to the ground, dead. O'Boggy was ejected fro the foul, though the damage had been done to both the opponent, and to their fanbase.
The second half ended, and the dwarves retreated to their locker room to regroup.With the second half underway, the Smash and Go'nads chose to implement a new, stingy offensive structure which would prevent their opponent from even coming close to the ball. The plan was working well, and the Dirt Bursters found themselves lacking space in the infirmary as the dwarves were knocking them unconscious left and right. At the height of the carnage, six undead players were asleep in the dugout, and the dwarves had complete control of the field. The winds of chance are fickle, though, and can turn a sweet Summer breeze into a chaotic tornado in a heartbeat.
The storm in question arrived when Ol' Teabagger, committed to redeeming his earlier gaffe, dodged through the dwarf coverage and broke free towards Barik Farblast, who had been calmly surveying the field. Farblast was blindsided by the hit and the O.T.B. scooped up the lost ball and carried it in for the touchdown.With little time remaining for a comeback, the Smash and Go'nads were driven only by revenge. Not one of the unconscious Dirt Bursters players had awakened, and the game looked as though it would finish badly for anyone without a beard. Sensing this, perhaps, were the remaining Dirt Bursters players, and they began to taunt and goad the dwarves as they came onto the pitch. With careful ego prodding and rampant bragging about the probability of the late Eric Shun joining the undead team, the Dirt Bursters incited a riot among the two teams and carefully took their lumps while the clock continued to run down.
The final whistle blew and the dwarves were shocked to find them selves denied even the bittersweet taste of vengeance. In the chaos, the undead had sent their assistant coaches across the field to retrieve the remains of Eric Shun, and after a brief ritual the newly-minted zombie rose to take his place on the Dusk Hill team's roster. The final score was two to nothing for the undead, but the toll seemed far greater in the hearts of the dwarven faithful.
The match MVP awards were presented to Stumps O'Boggy, whose deliberate and guiltless foul not only eliminated the dwarves' biggest threat, but also resulted in a new teammate for the Dirt Bursters, and to Holden McGroin of the Smash and Go'nads, who has vowed to honour the loss of his teammate by wearing the number three from now on. Also earning a nod was the play of Ned Gummers, whose running ability has been highlighted by his will to go the extra mile. The undead unbeaten streak is kept alive for another week.
Despite a slow start, the Go'nads have been a great physical force in the MMBBL this season, led by the brutal, smash-mouth play of lineman Eric Shun, whose hard, unyielding style of play garnered an impressive three casualties in his first game of the season. What can be said about the Dirt Bursters, those marching, moaning, magnificent monsters of the gridiron, which has not already been said? They may not have been born ready, but they certainly died ready.
In an attempt to gain an edge over the undead, the Go'nads hired on Barik Farblast, inventor of the Farblast 5000 Passing Machine, and had also bribed enough officials to ensure that the wily dwarf would be able to play the entire match without ejection. The Dirt Bursters also signed skeleton Clackers Rattlehead to an entry-level contract.
With the sun shining and the crowd roaring, the Dirt Bursters were set to receive first. With calculated, almost mechanical resolve, the undead showed their quality amid the screaming of the fans, with superb blocks by the offensive line establishing a running corridor for ghoul Ned Gummers. Gummers charged out of midfield and was home free from dwarf coverage, until a bolt of lightning from the upper deck flashed towards him, intent on stopping the runner cold. With an athleticism and poise unheard of in the ranks of the deceased, Gummers dodged pure lightning and strode in for the touchdown, free of harm. Needless to say, the dwarves and their fans were stunned.
As the Smash and Go'nads prepared for their first offensive drive, a Dirt Bursters fan, responding in kind for the attack on his team's runner, hurled a nearby skeleton fan's head at the Go'nads' main distributor of pain, Eric Shun, knocking the dwarf face-down on the pitch. The ball was kicked off anyway, and Barik Farblast made his move to retrieve it. After Farblast's pass to runner Dick Gozinia was good, the latter found himself quickly set upon by Dirt Bursters' star player, Ol' Teabagger. Unable to avoid The Man's coverage, Gozinia went down and the ghoul recovered the rock. Storming towards the end zone, Ol' Teabagger demonstrated that not every moment in a great player's career is memorable, as he caught his foot on the stray skull tossed in earlier and crashed in a heap at the goal line.
The dwarves were hard-pressed to retrieve the lost ball, and sure enough, more ghouls came out of the woodwork to try for the score. Ned Gummers made his approach first and threw the ball laterally to teammate Chompsalot, who then streaked towards the end zone. He never made it there, however, as a blatant, unmistakable foul ended the Dirt Bursters' drive immediately thereafter. Zombie Stumps O'Boggy, apparently sick of hearing about the exploits of Eric Shun, descended upon the dwarf lineman with a powerful punch which shattered the dwarf's teeth. The zombie's fist did not stop there, however, but kept going down the dwarf's throat. Then, in one swift motion, O'Boggy wrenched his arm free, bringing with it assorted organs of varying degrees of importance.
Disheartened, winded, and all-around gutless, the once-celebrated Eric Shun collapsed to the ground, dead. O'Boggy was ejected fro the foul, though the damage had been done to both the opponent, and to their fanbase.
The second half ended, and the dwarves retreated to their locker room to regroup.With the second half underway, the Smash and Go'nads chose to implement a new, stingy offensive structure which would prevent their opponent from even coming close to the ball. The plan was working well, and the Dirt Bursters found themselves lacking space in the infirmary as the dwarves were knocking them unconscious left and right. At the height of the carnage, six undead players were asleep in the dugout, and the dwarves had complete control of the field. The winds of chance are fickle, though, and can turn a sweet Summer breeze into a chaotic tornado in a heartbeat.
The storm in question arrived when Ol' Teabagger, committed to redeeming his earlier gaffe, dodged through the dwarf coverage and broke free towards Barik Farblast, who had been calmly surveying the field. Farblast was blindsided by the hit and the O.T.B. scooped up the lost ball and carried it in for the touchdown.With little time remaining for a comeback, the Smash and Go'nads were driven only by revenge. Not one of the unconscious Dirt Bursters players had awakened, and the game looked as though it would finish badly for anyone without a beard. Sensing this, perhaps, were the remaining Dirt Bursters players, and they began to taunt and goad the dwarves as they came onto the pitch. With careful ego prodding and rampant bragging about the probability of the late Eric Shun joining the undead team, the Dirt Bursters incited a riot among the two teams and carefully took their lumps while the clock continued to run down.
The final whistle blew and the dwarves were shocked to find them selves denied even the bittersweet taste of vengeance. In the chaos, the undead had sent their assistant coaches across the field to retrieve the remains of Eric Shun, and after a brief ritual the newly-minted zombie rose to take his place on the Dusk Hill team's roster. The final score was two to nothing for the undead, but the toll seemed far greater in the hearts of the dwarven faithful.
The match MVP awards were presented to Stumps O'Boggy, whose deliberate and guiltless foul not only eliminated the dwarves' biggest threat, but also resulted in a new teammate for the Dirt Bursters, and to Holden McGroin of the Smash and Go'nads, who has vowed to honour the loss of his teammate by wearing the number three from now on. Also earning a nod was the play of Ned Gummers, whose running ability has been highlighted by his will to go the extra mile. The undead unbeaten streak is kept alive for another week.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Meathooks Outduel Go'nads
The stubborn, stout Smash and Go'nads faced off against the maniacal Meathooks in a case of trench warfare. The Go'nads came off a disappointing tie versus the Blueriver Wardoves in their last match, while the Meathooks were taken by surprise when the upstart Bloodsand Blasters squeezed out a 1-0 victory against the orcs.
Hostilities opened with a high kick which couldn't be reined in by Dick Gozinia, but the dwarves were anything but discouraged. Stu Padasso, blitzed his way into the face of black orc Beefquake, who fell to the earth with a thunderous thump. The medics went to work quickly however, and the big fella shrugged off what could have been a crippling injury. To make matters worse for the Meathooks, Euin Whatarmy, dwarf troll slayer and all-around dangerous fellow, shoved star orc blitzer Beef Bigaxe into the restless crowd, and suffered for it as his hand was viciously smashed against the guardrail. Bigaxe is expected to be sidelined for his next game.
The orcs needed a response and they got one, from the hard-working Hamfist Goreguts. Goreguts lined up dwarf runner Adam Meway and ran him into the ground, leaving the sore dwarf out for the match and likely the next one too. The dwarves managed to get the ball moving downfield in the meantime, but couldn't capitalize on the drive when Stu Padasso took a tumble on the goal line and lost possession. In desperation, orc blitzer Moose Burger hurled the ball down the pitch, but there was no one nearby when it landed. For the time being, the Meathooks were happy just not to be trailing in a second consecutive game.
In the push to get back to the ball, line orc Hamfist Goreguts again left his boot mark on the match as he trampled runner Dick Gozinia, nearly breaking the dwarf's leg. The apothecaries were well prepared, though, and Gozinia was unscarred and rejoined the team the following drive. Picking up the loose ball, Moe Lester of the Smash and Go'nads attempted a deep pass of his own, only to drop the ball on the windup, dropping it off the helmet of lineman Eric Shun, who managed to hold onto it. Lester was seriously off his game today, as he subsequently failed to take the handoff from Shun immediately thereafter. The first half wound down without any actual scoring, though Lockjaw the line orc managed to shove Euin Whatarmy out of bounds and through a poorly assembled bleacher, and the troll slayer was removed from the match to deal with several dozen deep splinters.
Set to receive for the second half, the Meathooks prepped their famous goblin toss strategy, hoping that their better mobility would leave the dwarf team flagging behind them as they ran in for a touchdown. Regrettably the play couldn't get off the drawing board safely, as the dwarven coverage proved too good to eliminate threats to the goblins. Stu Padasso redeemed himself for his earlier gaffe by laying out the hapless Bacon Sandwich and leaving him with a permanent, chronic lower back injury. In brutal response, the mighty Beefquake charged into line dwarf Phil DeGrave, positively leveling the dwarf beneath his enormous girth and breaking his neck like a fortune cookie in a pile driver. The orcs hoped that this would afford them the space they needed for another shot at the goblin toss, but Hammish still couldn't get his grubby little mitts on it and it squirted free. Trying again, the determined little green man snatched up the football and scampered laterally until he was in the clear at midfield and tossed the ball across the pitch to the lurking Moose Burger. Burger couldn't get a handle on the wild throw though, and Dick Gozinia of the Go'nads instead scooped it up from where it lay. Gozinia attempted a high-risk handoff, but was not rewarded. Pouncing on the loose ball, Burger hurtled past the remaining dwarven defenders and spiked the football triumphantly in the end zone for the game's first score.
The Smash and Go'nads had little time to stage a comeback, but the Meathooks made it easy for them to get started. Another high kick allowed Dick Gozinia to get great field position, and Gil T. Azell cleared some space by shoving Grunt Skunchman out of bounds. Determined not to give an inch, though, line orc Rip Steakface throttled the aforementioned Azell, leaving him out of contention for the remainder of the match. The dwarves pressed and pushed, but couldn't make any headway. As time ran out, a suspicious bolt of lightning erupted from a hot air balloon drifting overhead, but if Hammish was its target, then the balloonist/sorcerer should be ashamed of himself, as the wily goblin nimbly dodged out of the bolt's path. Time finally ran out, with the final score a hard-fought one to nothing victory for the Meathooks.
This matches MVP accolades went to the Go'nads' Adam Meway, despite not having accomplished much at all, and to black orc Grunt Skunchman who was a protective force for his allies on the line of scrimmage.
Hostilities opened with a high kick which couldn't be reined in by Dick Gozinia, but the dwarves were anything but discouraged. Stu Padasso, blitzed his way into the face of black orc Beefquake, who fell to the earth with a thunderous thump. The medics went to work quickly however, and the big fella shrugged off what could have been a crippling injury. To make matters worse for the Meathooks, Euin Whatarmy, dwarf troll slayer and all-around dangerous fellow, shoved star orc blitzer Beef Bigaxe into the restless crowd, and suffered for it as his hand was viciously smashed against the guardrail. Bigaxe is expected to be sidelined for his next game.
The orcs needed a response and they got one, from the hard-working Hamfist Goreguts. Goreguts lined up dwarf runner Adam Meway and ran him into the ground, leaving the sore dwarf out for the match and likely the next one too. The dwarves managed to get the ball moving downfield in the meantime, but couldn't capitalize on the drive when Stu Padasso took a tumble on the goal line and lost possession. In desperation, orc blitzer Moose Burger hurled the ball down the pitch, but there was no one nearby when it landed. For the time being, the Meathooks were happy just not to be trailing in a second consecutive game.
In the push to get back to the ball, line orc Hamfist Goreguts again left his boot mark on the match as he trampled runner Dick Gozinia, nearly breaking the dwarf's leg. The apothecaries were well prepared, though, and Gozinia was unscarred and rejoined the team the following drive. Picking up the loose ball, Moe Lester of the Smash and Go'nads attempted a deep pass of his own, only to drop the ball on the windup, dropping it off the helmet of lineman Eric Shun, who managed to hold onto it. Lester was seriously off his game today, as he subsequently failed to take the handoff from Shun immediately thereafter. The first half wound down without any actual scoring, though Lockjaw the line orc managed to shove Euin Whatarmy out of bounds and through a poorly assembled bleacher, and the troll slayer was removed from the match to deal with several dozen deep splinters.
Set to receive for the second half, the Meathooks prepped their famous goblin toss strategy, hoping that their better mobility would leave the dwarf team flagging behind them as they ran in for a touchdown. Regrettably the play couldn't get off the drawing board safely, as the dwarven coverage proved too good to eliminate threats to the goblins. Stu Padasso redeemed himself for his earlier gaffe by laying out the hapless Bacon Sandwich and leaving him with a permanent, chronic lower back injury. In brutal response, the mighty Beefquake charged into line dwarf Phil DeGrave, positively leveling the dwarf beneath his enormous girth and breaking his neck like a fortune cookie in a pile driver. The orcs hoped that this would afford them the space they needed for another shot at the goblin toss, but Hammish still couldn't get his grubby little mitts on it and it squirted free. Trying again, the determined little green man snatched up the football and scampered laterally until he was in the clear at midfield and tossed the ball across the pitch to the lurking Moose Burger. Burger couldn't get a handle on the wild throw though, and Dick Gozinia of the Go'nads instead scooped it up from where it lay. Gozinia attempted a high-risk handoff, but was not rewarded. Pouncing on the loose ball, Burger hurtled past the remaining dwarven defenders and spiked the football triumphantly in the end zone for the game's first score.
The Smash and Go'nads had little time to stage a comeback, but the Meathooks made it easy for them to get started. Another high kick allowed Dick Gozinia to get great field position, and Gil T. Azell cleared some space by shoving Grunt Skunchman out of bounds. Determined not to give an inch, though, line orc Rip Steakface throttled the aforementioned Azell, leaving him out of contention for the remainder of the match. The dwarves pressed and pushed, but couldn't make any headway. As time ran out, a suspicious bolt of lightning erupted from a hot air balloon drifting overhead, but if Hammish was its target, then the balloonist/sorcerer should be ashamed of himself, as the wily goblin nimbly dodged out of the bolt's path. Time finally ran out, with the final score a hard-fought one to nothing victory for the Meathooks.
This matches MVP accolades went to the Go'nads' Adam Meway, despite not having accomplished much at all, and to black orc Grunt Skunchman who was a protective force for his allies on the line of scrimmage.
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