Go'nads Go Further After Riotous Match

Group 1 semifinal action coming at you, but don't read it all in one bite, this one's hot! The Smash and Go'nads, coming off their victory against the Bloodsand Blasters, would do battle against the Blackwater Bilgerunners, who racked up an impressive score against the Brutakai Ragefangs on their way here. Only one of these two teams would get a card for the big dance, so let's see who had the best moves!

Lovely weather and the aromatic medley of beer, hair and garbage hung in the air. Fans were treated to the sight of a pair of new hirings for this match as well as the usual list of participants. The Bilgerunners had signed linerat Twistknee to fill a gap, and the Go'nads fans were brought to their feet (not that anyone noticed the difference) as Cludge Slamboni, pilot of their new deathroller, drove his engine of destruction onto the sidelines. The skaven fans were less than appreciative, regarding this new addition, and the Bilgerunners themselves quickly took up the protest as well. Regardless, the referees demanded that everyone settle down and get the match underway. The coin toss went in the Bilgerunners' favour, and the dwarves set their defense and prepared to kick. The skaven had other ideas, however, and demanded that before the game begin, that the deathroller be removed from the premises. Slamboni and the dwarves would have nothing of it, and the pitch soon erupted in a series of brawls that took quite a while to sort out.

Eventually the dust did clear, and the game was able to proceed. Right off the snap, the skaven burst past the slower dwarves and into the secondary, showing multiple eligible receivers across the field. Fivel Mausketrap, one of the league's leading throwers, gained possession and hurled the ball to gutter runner Dingleberry for an easy catch. Dingleberry handed off to teammate Twinkletoes, who bobbed and weaved through coverage to get into the clear. Such safety does come at a price, however, as the position play of linerat Limpy left him open to an assault from Herb Eaverstinks of the smash and Go'nads. Eaverstinks pummeled the skaven soundly, leaving him out of commission for the remainder of the day. Still, the protection held, and the skaven running game quickly put the Bilgerunners on the board. A touchdown for Twinkletoes, and a one to nothing lead for the skaven squad.

The dwarves had seen just about enough of the speedy side of the game, and looked forward to turning things more to their style of play, the kind where players pay for every yard with their teeth. As the Bilgerunners kicked off and Adam Meway grabbed hold of the ball, a wave of hurt came over the skaven, courtesy of the hard-working fellows on the line of scrimmage. Herb Eaverstinks laid out linerat Krunch while Craven Moorehead throttled Fivel Mausketrap, leaving both skaven players unconscious. Moe Lester followed it up by stepping on Piddlepaw with excessive enthusiasm, removing the gutter runner from contention, and Achilles Punks did likewise to Twinkletoes, leaving the Blackwater defense with several gaping holes.

Reaching midfield, Meway handed off to Moe Lester, who picked up where the runner left off. The punishment kept coming for the skaven, as Gil T. Azell, foaming at the mouth as if he'd just consumed a bottle of shaving cream, leveled newcomer Twistknee with a hit that left the latter's legs bent up in ways reminiscent of the complicated plumbing arrangements he calls home. Holden McGroin further cleared the path, hauling down storm vermin Jenner and making sure he wouldn't get up again under his own power. With nothing of any substance in his way, Moe Lester was home free for the tying point.

Little time remained for more action in the first half, but once again hostilities erupted between the two squads. The officials, not wanting to risk the ire of the coaches for shortening their play time, deftly scrolled the play clock back to actually add more time to the contest. No one seemed to notice, and play did finally resume. In retaliation for the injuries sustained by his comrades, Squeesplat the linerat put Achilles Punks' lights out for a little while. Dingleberry retrieved the ball in place of his injured teammate Fivel, and passed out to Krunch for a reception. Unfortunately, he was run down unceremoniously after not getting too far, the ball was scooped up by Adam Meway, and the dwarf passed to his fellow runner Dick Gozinia. Just as the dwarf running game started to progress, however, the whistle blew and the teams retreated to their locker rooms.

The Smash and Go'nads set about duplicating their first half success in the second frame of play, but it seems as though the fans had had enough; the skaven of the Go'nads, the dwarves of just about everything. Neither race is particularly known for needing a good reason to trample someone, of course. The fans spilled out onto the field, made their respective attempts at spontaneous brutality, and when the dust settled, storm vermin Brutus and line dwarves Holden McGroin and Phil DeGrave were tossed on the naptime cart and wheeled to the sidelines to sleep off their lumps. Meanwhile, the reason for the crowd's dispersal became evident - Cludge Slamboni was on the field, piloting the deathroller and taking a spot at center. Wasting no time as the dwarves received the kick, Slamboni leveled the Bilgerunners' rat ogre, O'Rattigan, and went on his way to cause more havoc. As Adam Meway moved down the sideline to midfield, Slamboni's ride came to an abrupt end when he was called for fouling linerat Squeesplat with a cinder block he'd "accidentally" dropped off the back of the deathroller on his way by. Still, the lack of the metal monstrosity didn't dissuade the rest of the dwarves, and Craven Moorehead filled the role of muscle admirably as he put Brutus the storm vermin out for the foreseeable future. The skaven line continued to dwindle and the dwarves continued to surge, and Adam Meway rolled into the end zone with no strenuous effort. The dwarves had the lead, but could they maintain it?

It seemed they had every intention to do just that, as on the ensuing kickoff, the Go'nads read the Bilgerunners offense perfectly. Linerat Krunch was sent back to get the ball, but through either nerves or lack of concentration, couldn't get a good grip. Up on the line, a hole was punched, quite literally, as Herb Eaverstinks knocked out Squeesplat, diminishing the skaven support crew even further. The skaven ran the ball forward eventually, but Dick Gozinia was right there to clobber the carrier and retrieve the rock. Fivel Mausketrap, desperate to make a play, threw a hit on Gozinia, but the wily runner had already dumped off to Moe Lester as he saw the hit coming. Lester handed off to Stu Padasso, who saw Adam Meway int he clear for a possibly reception, but the pass was off-target and fell to the ground lifelessly. As the final whistle blew, the skaven fans echoed the lifelessness of the ball, while the Smash and Go'nads fans and players alike celebrated their victory in true dwarven fashion. It's expected that the stadium will be serviceable again sometime within the next two or three decades.

With the final score of 2 to 1 for the Go'nads, the dwarves advance to the finals match against either the Dusk Hill Dirt Bursters or the Blueriver Wardoves. MVP awards for the match go to Fivel Mausketrap of the Bilgerunners and to Dick Gozinia of the Smash and Go'nads.